Complain About Wedding Invitation

Wedding InvitationMy nephew’s wedding is fast approaching. We received invitations, however each of my four adult daughters, ranging in age from 21 to 30, was invited with no guests. They are not married. When they questioned their cousin, he replied that he and his fiancee had to invite 250 guests and have to cut somewhere, therefore unless you are engaged you cannot bring a guest. What’s more, if they get a lot of “no” replies, they will revisit the idea of allowing guests.

This is hurtful as we are family, and I feel as adults these young women should have been able to bring a guest, and it’s tacky that they would allow them later to bring dates. Am I wrong for thinking family should be allowed a guest at a reception this big?

You want tacky? How about going back to your host after receiving four invitations and asking why you weren’t issued eight. How about gazing upon a guest list of 250 and believing it’s your place to suggest that it should be 260 or 300, because you’re you and you believe in “and guest.” Or, worse, deciding 250 is fine, but that four people the couple cares about should be axed to make room for four people your daughters care about.

Wedding Invitation

Or pressing an accommodation out of your host, and then dismissing said accommodation as “tacky.” Yikes.

I’ve sat in this chair for too many years not to understand there are rebuttals to my rebuttals, so I won’t pretend you’ll be satisfied by my opinion on guest lists.

But my viewpoint does prove the fact of different opinions,because you and I distinctly don’t agree your nephew was rude. And that makes a more persuasive point: Managing a guest list does indeed involve judgment calls, and it’s not any individual guest’s judgment — or mine — that sets the bar for invitations made thoughtfully vs. those that are careless or rude.

You have been invited to celebrate the joyous life event of people you love, people likely under pressure to please a lot of different constituencies — a lot of them poised to be critical, ahem, of the way the couple chooses to host people at their or their families’ expense. Wouldn’t it be loving, joyous and celebratory just to embrace the invitation as kindly intended, and show up without further complaint?

My daughter and her husband have three families to see, her parents being divorced and remarried. I understand how stressful and demanding holidays are for her.

My problem is that it is always me and her stepdad on the “bottom of the barrel.” Her other two families have more members, making it fun to get together, and people their age and the ages of their little children. It is just me and my husband, much less festive. I get it.

Wedding Invitation

However at the same time, we are left alone at holidays and it is always so depressing. We always find some other people to share dinner with, whereas it doesn’t relieve the lonely, left-out feeling. I have expressed this to my daughter in years past, nonetheless she just gets upset, and I feel like I’ve dumped a guilt trip on her. I hate holidays.