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What to Do If Your Fiance Doesn’t “Get” Wedding Etiquette

We know that it can be hard to explain to your other half — who may not be dealing with RSVPs or caterers — that wedding etiquette exists for a reason. Here’s how one fellow Knottie, sparklingjewelee, explains her situation in a community post: “Lately as our wedding gets closer, my fiance and I are clashing on what seems like every idea. Whenever I bring up the ‘correct’ way of doing something, he says, ‘Says who?’ I get where he’s coming from. It’s our wedding and we can do what we want, so to speak. However, I don’t want to offend anyone with bad etiquette! Every time I so much as mention the word ‘etiquette,’ he gets annoyed.” She’s definitely not alone — so here are some quick tips for getting over the etiquette blues.

Stop using the word etiquette

Go with another word or phrase like, “It’s considerate to…” or “It’s good manners to…” What your fiance might be grating against is the idea that the two of you are doing something out of a strange sense of tradition. In reality, etiquette is a set of guidelines to follow to ensure that nobody’s feelings get hurt, and everything gets done in the most organized, efficient way possible. And who could have a problem with that?

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Tell your fiance to think of your guests

Your fiance could be caught up in how your wedding is a reflection of the two of you as a couple, so it may be a good idea to remind him that other people will be attending your wedding. These rules may not matter to your fiance, but they certainly could matter to his/her parents, other members of both of your families or even to some of your friends.

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Pick your battles

It’s an age-old phrase, but it’s a classic for a reason. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If your fiance has a slight problem with an etiquette issue, it could be better to just let him win. Then, the next time you clash on a bigger issue, you can reference that you’ve compromised before and that this stuff happens to matter to you.

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Talk about consequences

If all else fails, it might be good to go through some of the things that could happen should you ignore proper etiquette. Ask your fiance if he/she has ever felt uncomfortable at someone else’s wedding and why that might have been. Then if there are still some questions to be answered, ask him/her to imagine being a guest in the same situation.

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So, what do you think? How would you show your fiance that etiquette is important? Do you think these rules were made to be broken or do you wish more people would follow them to the letter? Discuss it on the forum and in the comments below!

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